why life is about seeking discussions and not answers?
We want certainty. When we walk through life without answers, we feel like we don’t have control over it. There is a general feeling of not only distrust in who we are and what we are doing, but in the future as well.
If you wake up in the morning and are late for work and you don’t have an outfit planned for the next day, it is going to be stressful to get one at that moment.
A lot of us much rather have it planned (and ironed if you are anything like me) the day before so that we can calm down our morning anxiety and step out of the house with ease.
But there is also a factor of creativity that comes with choosing your outfit in the morning. An entire world within our minds opens up.
Even though there is not a solid answer for what we want at the moment, the (almost limitless) possibilities wake our imagination and they let us explore who we are.
What if instead of searching for answers for our problems, we searched for discussions?
Imagine how calmer that would make us all. Instead of searching for our purpose and searching for the answers to it all, we had conversations about how we feel and how we explore the world.
If instead of wanting solutions now and action now, we sat and observed the chaos and the beauty that was around us and took it all in.
Because let’s be honest, there is nothing more stressful than being in a pickle and trying to come up with a solution out of thin air without discussing things first or talking things out.
The search for answers is a path that almost never has an end. The endless search for ground, for something solid.
But we forget that connection is solid as well. That putting our feet on the ground and understanding who we are and why we think the way we think is also solid.
Just like it would be stupid to go to therapy looking forward to your therapist telling you whether you should tell your Mom that she needs to calm down or not.
It is stupid to have a constant search for a solid answer. When, in reality, you need to have a conversation with yourself and see what progresses out of that.
Critical thinking to get to know us
A very important part of discussions is that they allow for self-reflection, but only if we want to. If we open up to listen to our bodies and to listen to ourselves… We create a safe space in which we can explore who we are.
If someone just tells us the answers to our problems. If someone just goes, “yes you are right” or “no, don’t do that,” for every doubt that we have in our lives, then how are we allowing ourselves to grow?
How are we allowing ourselves to make space for the person who we are growing into?
This person only flows to us through exploration. Which is the most important part of discussion and of talking things out. To open our minds. To get to know who we are a bit better, and to explore our actions and our feelings.
This exploration leads us to critical thinking and to understanding our reasons.
Yes, discussions often lead to answers. We might solve some of our cognitive dissonances while we discuss things, but that is because we did.
Because we opened up to talking about it and to creating a flow of conversation in our heads that allowed for these answers to flow through.
Most of the time, though, the point won’t be an answer. The point would be the curiosity that we had for who we were and the exploration that it allowed.
Change exists
Change is the only constant. We change, we grow, and others do the same. Even our environment is constantly changing and I believe it to be the most interesting thing.
We are seeing our world change in front of our eyes and shift into different things that we do not know about.
The change that we see within others and within ourselves is constant. A thing that is not constant is our answers to things, the way that we feel about things.
Just like your love for other people will always change as well, even if we promised at a certain point an “I will always love you.”
Love shifts, emotions shifts and our answers to our problems today will probably not be the answers to our problems tomorrow because those also shift. You can’t always use a solution to your problem from last year and apply it today. Just like a broken arm today won’t have the same solution and healing process as the one you had when you were six years old.
This is the same reason why war strategies are played out and analyzed before being used. Because a war strategy from 50 years ago will be differently applied tomorrow. War is inhumane but is worth analyzing.
The same way that lead containing makeup was amazing in the eighteen century and it is now found to be extremely harmful.
It is hard to be 100% sure about something, but not seeking answers right of the bat and talking things out is safer.
Point of views
Discussions and conversations are also a great catalyst for change. Getting immersed in other people’s world and other people’s point of view can bring great discoveries for your own.
People often keep things to themselves, which is a healthy thing, and it is nice when you are easily influenced. But when you are not and when you have the ability to stay true to yourself while listening to others, seeing different points of views is a gift.
People are like doors which, if we choose to open and explore, we enter this strange world of thought.
Points of view will also pull the rug out under our feet. They will force us to listen to those around us and they will force us to be more empathetic and understanding of what is happening in other people’s worlds.
It will sit us down on our butts and show us that things are rarely what we think they are.
These discussions make us fuller people it makes us well-rounded and well-travelled. Because being well-travelled doesn’t mean that you have been to a resort in Bali or that you have had coffee in Italy. It means that you have allowed yourself to walk through other people’s doors and explore who they are and what that means for your world.
The art of conversation
The biggest reason answers are not the answer is because if we just had answers, we would miss all the important opportunities to talk.
Jumping to conclusions without communicating without having important conversations feels like cutting off the human part of us.
The connection that discussion brings, even if it is just with ourselves, is crucial to keep us alive.
Alive in the sense of a spark within us that gets ignited when we talk things out, when we seek to understand and to connect threads between us and those around us.
The way conversation is a force that allows things to come our way is beyond me.
Don’t get me wrong, I have escaped many conversations in my life. Many that would’ve probably told me something about myself that I didn’t know, just because I was uncomfortable.
Conversations stir things up within us. They cause feelings and they ignite things in us.
Answers ignite something within us as well, but without a conversation first, it is an opportunity missed to get to know yourself better and to get to know others better.
Prompts
If you got the point, conversations are important. So use the following prompts to have some important conversations with yourself. Don’t seek answers, talk things out.
- What three questions would you ask your 13-year-old self? And how would they answer?
- What is the most meaningful conversation you have had and why was it meaningful?
- What answers are you currently seeking in your life?
- What is the most difficult conversation you need to have with yourself?
- Which opinion of yours is being questioned at this time of your life?
Discussions are prolific, just like questions are. They birth answers and they give us meaning. Those things can only come up if we are willing to have the conversations and actually listen, if we are willing to walk through other people’s doors.
