how to slow the emotional pendulum and reach for contentment?
Let’s talk about contentment and how to avoid the emotional pendulum.
It sounds exactly like happiness doesn’t it? Well, it really isn’t. In your mind contentment might feel like settling. Like not going after the biggest goal and staying in your comfort zone. That is what we have been taught for most of our lives. That happiness is the only answer and purpose in our lives.
Wouldn’t you want to change that? I don’t know about you but in my opinion, it becomes tyring to be constantly in that search for happiness.
Last week we talked about how we define our days. More specifically about how allowing life to just exist in the categories of good or bad really limits us.
We want to feel the full spectrum of life and all the normalness between it not only the great and the horrible. Because that is where we find our true “humanness,” in the things that we might not always look at as “special.”
That if looked at with an eye of gratitude, they would become amazing.
So, to continue the conversation I want to go a bit more into the meaning of that “good” category for us. That perfection we seek in our day-to-day lives and how emotionally intense that search might be.
And how that search can be modified to something more sustainable.
Contentment vs Happiness
Defining these two concepts will make it a whole easier to understand why happiness causes an emotional pendulum.
Happiness is an emotional high. We all can identify a moment in which we have been happy before (I hope). Exalted is a good way to describe it. You can picture yourself surrounded by your dreams, fulfilled goals, and laughter.
On the other hand, contentment has a lot more of a peaceful vibe.
It is calm, and it feels full. I
t is like a long-lasting satisfaction while happiness is an in-the-moment kind of thing. The feeling that shows when maybe your life isn’t perfect, but you are okay with it, you are vibing.
When people say they’re happy, they normally refer to a momentary situation. Even when they say they are happy in general, they probably had that realization during an emotional high, and if not, it is contentment.
The emotional pendulum
Now that we have understood the difference between the two, let’s understand this next concept. Agh, the emotional pendulum, this can sometimes be my worst enemy.
If you have ever heard about an addiction to conflict this goes along those lines.
The emotional pendulum is when you go from emotional highs to emotional lows really fast and avoid a safe “normal” state.
This is a concept my therapist gave to the way my emotions worked sometimes (oops).
It is a childlike state in which we have a hard time not going to extremes.
It blends really nicely with the concepts we saw last week so you might want to read that too.
For example:
A child that falls off their bike and starts crying really hard and swears they will never ride their bike again… Until their mom gives them a lollipop and their whole mood changes and they are now ready to face the adventure of riding a bike again.
This can be reflected in us when we feel intense emotions about situations in our lives that can be deemed normal but we react on a bigger scale.
For example:
You just got a new job that you are really excited about! (Yey you) This is the job of your dreams, you have been waiting for this opportunity for years. And then back at home that emotional state disappears, it drops dramatically. Now you are incredibly worried about all the new responsibilities that the job comes with and maybe you are afraid that you won’t be able to take on the pressure.
How this affects us:
You can say that this last example is a normal experience. And you are right, it is. But imagine that every day with random events.
The emotional pendulum can become exhausting. And I am not inciting you to avoid moments of extreme happiness or extreme anguish. Feeling your emotions is thing #1 we root for in this space.
What we want is to find strategies that work for us to live in a more content way. And most importantly to not make the highs of our emotional pendulums our goal in life. Because that is what is going to hurt us the most.
Why? Because the constant search for pleasure and that constant need for happiness is what is going to keep us in that loop of ups and downs. Because that means that if we are not in that extreme happiness, we are not living up to our lives desires.
That knowledge, that feeling of not doing enough, being enough or feeling enough emotional highs is what is going to bring us our emotional lows.
The first step to stop pendulating:
I’m pretty sure you now might want to know how to stop this pendulum dance.
As I always say, our first step is awareness. You’re already there, you read this and maybe said “Oh well, I do this I want to live a content life, not a life escaping the lows and causing myself even more discomfort.”
Now I will invite you to sit with the thoughts and the emotions that this article has caused in you.
Doing this will help you understand what is it that you truly seek in the emotional rollercoaster you are living on.
Life is an emotional rollercoaster, the question is if your goal is that peak of the ride, knowing well that is going to go down. Or the enjoyment of the whole ride (contentment).
Looking for contentment will invite you to look at the present moment and actually understand what you like about your life at the moment and what you want to change.
Find that feeling of fullness.
Prompt time
As always here are some prompts that will open up your eyes to this subject.
- Write about recent emotional highs and lows. What caused them?
- Where is this emotional pendulum leading you? What is it trying to tell you?
- How do you feel your relationship with the environment (people, society, places) has affected what your dreams and goals look like?
- What would a life of fullness and satisfaction look like for YOU?
- What is your relationship with normal? Are you afraid of it?
So…
The prompts might have been a bit all over the place this week, but it is for a reason. These questions are all connected. Your last bonus prompt would be to find the connection all of these have for you.
P.D: Remember that the answers are within you, don’t be afraid to explore what you have to say about yourself. It is way more important than what others have to say about you.
