how the idea of a pretty life comes from black-and-white thinking?
The derivation of pretty life from black-and-white thinking
We all love pretty things. It is perfectly okay to love pretty things. Who doesn’t love a nicely curated Pinterest feed? Or building the aesthetic of our life as we desire.
The prettiness of it all makes everything easier. It even makes us want to do things that if they weren’t pretty we wouldn’t do.
For example, right now I am writing this from Notion. Clean, yet fun.
But give me a word document and putting a word down would be a lot harder for me.
There is a science behind this, neuroaesthetics. If you want to hear more about it you should listen to this podcast by Holisticism:
Back to the point.
The problem here is that we apply the concept of what we see to what we live… In the wrong way at least.
I am not really a fan of telling people they are doing things wrong since I believe that we are always taking the steps to lead us to where we are meant to be. Buuut… we could find a path with less friction* that is more easeful. Most of the work comes from mindset, attitude and changing the way we look at what happens to us and around us.
We take the concept of pretty and put it in a tight box with sharp edges and no air ventilation. Like any living thing that you do that to, it dies.
The prettiness of it all, the beauty that surrounds us is ever-changing and ever-moulding to our eyes.
Today, you might look at rain as the most gorgeous phenomenon to ever exist and tomorrow it could be ugly, clammy and the wrong kind of cold.
We see our lives as pretty or ugly. But lately, we have found a way of cheating it.
The romanticise your life / be the main character phenomenon has opened our eyes to see everything as beautiful. And although it is pretty dramatic and absurd sometimes it lets us see the beauty of it all.
That is only when we are willing to see the beauty in ALL. If not romanticizing life becomes a game in which we are just trying to make everything feel perfect. That means we have fallen again into the trap of black-and-white thinking in which if there is perfect then there must also be “very bad”.
There are certain things that are unsustainable and I believe that rejecting the bad, and the mundane is one of those things.
What is the mundane and why is it uncomfortable?
The mundane is all that is raw and human. It is humanness in its raw form. Even the dictionary refers to it as lacking interest, excitement and the icing on top of the cake, dull.
Followed by the next definition which is “of this earth, not heavenly or spiritual.”
To me, these do not seem to relate at all.
The mundane is what is human. From getting married to pooping. And don’t come telling me that pooping is beautiful. Yes, it is a wonder, but gorgeous, I don’t think so.
I used to try to argue everything into being gorgeous. It was nice while it lasted. Then it was followed by really low feelings of despair and looking at the world as the opposite. More than dull.
What we have to develop is a comfort with the mundane, with the normal.
A sense of peace with the emotions that surge from what happens in life. Of course, this doesn’t mean not feeling them. But it means full acceptance of what is, whether it is perceived as beautiful or not.
Life is life. I don’t think that there are any adjectives that are comprehensive enough to encompass it all.
The mundane is uncomfortable because that means that we are like everyone else.
That is where the identity crises come in.
No one right now wants to be like everyone else, because in our heads that is equivalent to insignificant. I can’t blame you. This world does make you feel pretty small.
But have you seen that trend:
@ibrahimh.4 nvm #fyp ♬ original sound – mario fouvaa
People find a certain acceptance as well from realizing that some situations just are. That they are part of a whole. A change of perspective can do a lot for us.
Understanding the realness context right now
We are trying to make realness pretty. And that is how we take the realness away from it. Even the new cooking trends in which everything is imperfect and raw, lowkey seems perfect.
It is kind of messing with my head and this is why:
When we all try to be real (do you have the app btw?) then something happens in which we are not being real anymore.
This video explains it best:
@cozyakili #emmachamberlain #bereal ♬ original sound – akili
We start seeing realness as perfectly curated instead of mundane.
The realness that we show is a pretty, aesthetic kind of real.
Are the Sunday reset videos being “real” about how not every day of our lives is a walking movie? In a way yeah. But then are they showing when you trip over the vacuum cord and slam your face against the bed frame, no?
I wouldn’t be surprised if someone posted “Just hurt myself really bad with the bed frame, #clumsy #beingreal #imnotperfect” (I totally have done this, without the hashtags though.)
I think it is that same feeling that we got when we were kids and we got hurt and wanted to show everyone our nasty wound.
We are kind of doing that right now and trying to make it perfect. So perfect that we are trying to live our most real moments in some sort of perfection, or “the right way.”
Some things just are. They are mundane, but that doesn’t mean dull. That doesn’t mean that we have to try to fight the dullness out of the mundane either.
It is certainly uncomfortable, but look around. Everything still exists without having to put a label on it.
Here is one of our past blog posts on this labelling theme: HOW DOES LOOKING AT LIFE AS BLACK OR WHITE RUIN THE MAGIC?
How can we shift this?
The “how” is always a hard one. I am guessing you want answers right now. That you are looking for me to tell you how to embrace the mundane. Mostly I believe the answer is within you, for you to find.
But… here are a few tips on how to embrace the mundane and the un-prettiness of life.
- Live it and don’t try to escape it
- Don’t try to escape it physically
- Don’t try to escape it emotionally
- Don’t try to escape it by hiding in the spiritual
When we try to escape the discomfort that the mundane brings we are hiding from our humanness.
And although we can’t turn our humanity off like the Salvatores in TVD (love them) we DO tend to run from it. We want to be perfect, and special.
At least to someone, and that is totally okay. That is sweet. Imagine a cute dog wanting to be pet, that is you. Unless you hate dogs, in that case, please explain yourself and choose another animal in the meantime.
But see, it is not bad to want to be special, and it is cute, not in a bad way. The way we deal and cope with those feelings is what makes a mark on us. It can be very challenging to find that balance between black and white, the good and the bad the pretty and the ugly of life.
Not only challenging but as I said incredibly uncomfortable. The thing about discomfort is that we can fight it up here (I am pointing to my head). We can also teach the body to feel comfortable.
These are the things that change the way we see life and we embrace it.
Prompts
As always to get you thinking a bit more on what this means to you…
Here are 5 prompts to get the ball rolling:
- How does the glorification of your life make you feel?
- What is the contrast that you can find between the pretty and the mundane? How does each make you feel?
- What is your relationship with feeling special?
- How is the realness that you portray not that real?
- How do you currently cope with the uncomfortable and the parts of your life that you don’t like?
Understanding who you are, how you feel and the way you react to things forges a strong sense of self and creates empathy towards others.
To be fully in the mundane I believe is important to remember the unity of it all.
we are the worlllddd, we are the childreeenn…
Self-actualization requires us to meet our basic needs first. I
want to acknowledge that in hard times looking at things as beautiful has helped me and those around me. I understand that there is a privilege in being able to open your eyes to the bad parts of life as keeping the prettiness is often a defence mechanism. Just as much as there is a privilege in being able to ignore the bad parts of life.
The world is pretty, don’t stop looking at that beauty and keep shifting your perspectives to bring more contentment into your life. But don’t forget about your humanness, your imperfections and your pains.
If you can be real with anyone today be real with yourself.
