The Energy Of Criticism: Overcome The Urge To Judge
Why do we judge?
We humans are like mirrors. Everything that we are is reflected right back to us in one way or another. When we judge people, we are showing who we think we are. If you judge someone for how dry their hair is, chances are that you think your hair is dry and brittle as well.
We project how we feel about ourselves to others. People also tend to judge based on jealousy. If a person is able to do things or act a certain way that you can’t, but maybe secretly or subconsciously, you wish you could, you might judge them.
For example, let us say I see a person walking down the street wearing weird patterned pants, the weirdest shirt I have ever seen, a big pearl necklace, and skull-shaped sunglasses.
I decide to judge them and say, “Wtf is she wearing? She is crazy. I would never wear that out and who does she think she is wearing that big pearl necklace?” You can train yourself to see yourself subconsciously by analyzing what you said.
Maybe I am scared to be as confident as she is but I am afraid that people will judge me the way I judge others. I could also be jealous of her pearl necklace but think she doesn’t deserve that kind of money because of how weird she is. Do I think I don’t deserve money? Why does it matter if she is weird?
I see judging as a self-defense mechanism against being who we really are and facing our traumas and wounds.
Why do we love it so much?
Because it feels good. That is the truth. Sometimes I judge as well. I even judge my friends that judge for judging.
Even when that shows that I kind of want to be part of it. It feels good because it is an addiction and with every addiction, your body releases nice chemicals when you do it.
And of course, it feels good because it is a self-defense mechanism. That is why we sometimes need it to protect ourselves. Even though the goal is to not need to do so at the end. It also feels really good because we take attention out of ourselves, to others, to what everyone else is doing instead of going inwards.
When we are scared to face what is inside of our heads, we tend to seek things outside of ourselves that feel good. Doing this allows us to not focus on our problems. That is the same with gossip. Even though it is different from judgment, it can also be harmful to the person which it’s about.
What happens when we judge?
When we judge people, we switch our energy from inside ourselves to the outside. We take our own energy and give it to other people. Not only that, but we are reinforcing this addiction and potentially making it worse. This can be draining energetically and bring us problems, not only mentally, but in our overall health as well.
The consequences that judging has on the people close to us?
When we are judging people all the time and telling those around us about it it can become personal. Especially when the person judging speaks about something the others actually like. This makes the other people afraid to show you their true selves in fear that you might judge them too.
For example, let us say that your friend really liked the skull-shaped glasses that you were judging the other day. She actually thought they were really cool and actually had them in her shopping cart before that even happened. Now they might be afraid of truly expressing themselves in front of you.
This means that they will lose trust in you and this will make it harder to maintain a good relationship with you.
3 steps you can take to stop judging
Criticism is an addiction, but here are 3 steps that can help you start
- When you feel like judging something or someone, ask yourself these questions:
- What part of what the person I’m judging is doing that am I too afraid to show about myself?
- You would be surprised, but we tend to criticize the things we would like to have
- What has made me limit that part of myself? Is it other people’s judgment?
- What would happen if I allowed myself to do everything that I’m afraid to do?
- Take your answers from part one and create the version of you that you would be if all those fears went away. Write about your routine, your types of friends, how would people treat you, the way you carry yourself, and how you look. Journal about it for 10 minutes and let everything that comes to mind flow.
- Now that you have that version of yourself, write her a letter about how much you admire her courage for being herself. Tell her how you are going to let her be and promise her that you allow her to exist without judgment from yourself.
When you allow yourself to exist without judging yourself, you allow that version of you that you criticize in others to come to life. Allow yourself to exist in peace and allow others to do the same. Feel the energy shift in yourself and let yourself flow.
