How To Deal With Flashbacks Of Traumatic Events

What is trauma?

Trauma is a hard part of life that a lot of people live. It is nothing to ashamed of as we all have it in one way or another. Of course, it shows more in some people than others. Some of us have concealed our trauma so deep that we refuse to admit that we have ever been hurt. I would like to remind you that our inner child wounds are also a type of trauma. And the most important remainder before you read this is even if the event wasn’t in its core traumatic, the way that we lived it is what stays with us.

Example:

The other day I was in the subway and I saw these two little kids between 8 and 10 going inside the train with their dad. The doors closed halfway and the kids got left inside and the dad outside. The kids started frantically screaming and banging on the doors until the driver finally opened them and they reunited with their parents while crying.

While this was only for a few seconds I just knew that that would be a core memory of the children and it would stay with them. But if you looked at it from another perspective let’s say someone sitting on the train. You would know that the driver was obviously going to open the doors as he saw what was happening and if not a kind stranger (my friends and I or any other person on that train) would have waited with them in the next station. The parents were calm but for the kids, it obviously became a life or death situation.

I wanted to share this example to make sure that no one ever tries to take that away from you or minimize your pain.

How does trauma show up again in our lives?

Once a traumatic event has been lived it can take years for it to get triggered again or it could be triggered constantly until it gets healed. In this blog, I’m excluding PTSD as their trauma becomes a clinical mental health issue that can’t always be dealt with easily. But PTSD is more common than you think and does not only happen to veterans or victims of SA.

You may realize you are traumatized when you leave a toxic relationship and when entering a new one you have a hard time trusting. Maybe particular things that person says to take you back to a traumatic moment in your past relationship.

Sometimes the reaction can be something unconscious but if you have done some work you can become self-aware of it and you understand what is happening to you. Trauma can also be re-lived when someone close to you goes through the same experience you went through and you get involved in the situation.

Talking from personal experience:

How can we feel safe through a re-living of a traumatic event?

The last time I went through a trauma episode I handled it pretty well because I was on the phone with a friend that understood my situation. Since she was there with me when the first event happened I got to talk to her about my feelings. I was shaking but I was also trying to be helpful.

A whole feeling was going through my body where I felt in danger and scared. As I was reading text conversations I felt like I was in that same moment. I stopped reading them and found reassurance in other people.

Deep breaths are also very important as it reminds your body that you are not in danger. This prevents the fight-flight or freeze reaction from going further.

How do we get out of it?

It feels really good to write about it so you can pour your thoughts into paper and get them clear. Here are some prompts that may help you:

Name the emotions that you are feeling, are you having any physical reactions?
Describe what is happening (what cause the trauma response) in detail
- This will help you understand that you are not in danger
How does this relate to the original traumatic event? Why do you think you are reacting that way?
Name 5 things that you would tell your past self who was in that situation
Stay present and look at all of your senses and name one thing for each. (i.e one thing you see, one thing you smell. etc..)