Staying present to get to know your inner child

Lesson 4: Learning about your inner child

What is staying present?

I like to give “staying present” a more spiritual view. I understand staying present as the act of staying connected but disconnected from everything that surrounds you. Is being within yourself but at the same time feeling one with everything. It is something that I found hard to achieve at the beginning but then the famous Aron Daughty talked about it. He used this flame candle technique to set boundaries with other people. It worked its purpose but now I use this technique so much more to stay connected with the present moment. Here is the video of it if you want to check it out: 

Some people will tell you that staying present is about not focusing on the past or in the future and only on what’s ahead of you. And sure that is one form of staying present with what is directly in front of you but for me. It makes it hard to appreciate the beauty of the present. That method only allows me to concentrate on the fact that I need to stay present. The type of presentness (if that’s a word) that I want to share is meditative in a way but happily nostalgic in a way. 

For me, it is about being in the moment but looking at the past and looking at the future and being so grateful for both that you don’t mind staying right where you are. It is the spot right in between caring about everything and caring about nothing. The spot where nothing but at the same time everything really matters. It is bliss.

Who is our inner child?

Now, this might be something that a lot of people already know. Especially those who have gone deep into healing. Your inner child is that version of you between when you were born until you were about 8. This may vary according to what my therapist told me. This version of you is reliving your childhood wounds all over again every time something similar happens to you. It is this child that comes out and reacts and either cave in stays in shock or enters in fight mode. When we heal we mostly heal this version of ourselves that needed to be taken care of. And give love or attention in certain moments and it didn’t have it. 

How does staying present help us connect with it?

As I said, staying present for me is living everything at the same time but seeing it with peace and compassion. So the way you can connect with your inner child by staying present is by noticing what feelings arise in certain situations. 

For example, the other day I went to this beautiful abandoned church/secret garden and as I walked in I witnessed a couple get engaged. I could feel all the energy and the love and excitement and I started feeling it too. I was so happy but at the same time, I could feel this part of me that wasn’t. This part of me thought that they won’t be happy or that they are just not right for each other. And I could feel the sadness and the heartbreak come over me. That is when I stayed present.

I acknowledged those feelings and felt some sort of happy nostalgia for that version of me that has all of these thoughts and feelings. I respected her and made her feel listened to without engaging with her. Then I also could see that future part of myself that was jealous and wanted that for myself but didn’t know if I would ever get it. I calmed her down as well as I acknowledged that there is still a lot of time for that. So I shouldn’t be worried about it.

So…

I stayed in the present, in my initial feeling of happiness for the couple. Without engaging in any thoughts that were not healthy at the moment but acknowledging their presence at the same time. I remained watching the couple and feeling their energy (connectedness) while I was disconnected from them and had nothing to do with them. This is the feeling I am talking about. Being connected with everything but disconnected at the same time, remaining within yourself to be able to experience all of it in a different way.

What healing opportunities does it open up for us?

Doing this opens up the opportunity for looking at our inner child with this happy nostalgia. In a way telling it that they are safe and happy now without having to fully engage. (Of course, you still need to engage with your inner child and have different conversations to heal it). Taking them to the present with us even though they are our past. It feels healing and you will get a feeling of fullness and completion. You can then journal about your experiences when you get to your safe space to fully close the cycle of that open energy. 

How do we heal the inner child with it?

Journaling after these experiences is important. Also, you don’t have to be watching a couple get engaged to experience this, it could truly be anything. You can be looking at a mother hugging her child, someone getting flowers, or reading a happy message. It normally happens with happy moments as it is easier to engage with these. But the same could happen when you see people go through bad moments from a distance.

When journaling about this be sure to mention what happened, how it made you feel, and how it made the past and future you feel as well. I mention the future as well because the fears of the future are a direct reflection of the emotions of the past you. Look how both of them connect and write about it as well. This reflection will not only help you understand your inner child better but heal as well so that future you don’t feel that way.