how to grieve our past selves to flourish in spring?
Entering that space in the year of rebirth, where things start to grow around us, we need to notice how we are growing. After winter, after the death that comes metaphorically in which we learn about ourselves and we start moving and grieving old things, we are moving to a place in which things open up. A place that allows us to see what is in front of us and welcome it.
The welcoming of the new is something that we are used to doing amid winter, during the Gregorian calendar new year. Now is time for other new years from different cultures that move with the sun and the seasons in which the blossoming of Earth is celebrated along with ours.
This is a time in which we can start without wanting to hide under a blanket, a time to open the blinds and welcome the light.
Nevertheless, there is still some grieving that we have to do, some loops to close over the winter that just passed and some acceptance to welcome. The biggest part has passed, but now we are coming to conclusions and tying bows around the things that we have learned. With this comes a final grieving of our old selves that we have to go through.
Grieving your past self can be very different, but very similar to grieving a loved one.
It feels nostalgic but at the same time full of pride. It makes me want to shed a tear over a version of me that will never be again but that I will get to visit within me in a certain way. A feeling of losing a part of ourselves, maybe even a part of us we didn’t necessarily want to see go, is also present.
We sometimes choose to lose these parts of ourselves and let them go in hopes of a healthier and happier version of us, but we also lose parts of ourselves involuntarily. Parts of us that go as people leave our lives as we move through the world and as we explore new things.
We go through things that we have no control over and when we do; we grieve, maybe an innocence or an ignorance that was within us.
We might think that it’s easy as it is a part of life but when it hits you and when you realize that you have grown and that that part of you is no longer here it can feel like a void within us that will never be filled again.
I know it got dark there for a moment, but grieving our past is a serious thing. It gets existential quickly if we let our minds wonder.
So how do I grieve my past self to welcome who I am now?
First of all, I would like to say that how we deal with this is a very individual process, and this is just how I do it. I welcome you to take some ideas and even create your own.
I find it difficult to let go of a part of me I deemed as unhealthy, the same way that I let go a part of me I saw as wholesome. But who knows, maybe you see your unhealthy parts as wholesome. I sometimes do.
Unless you have a very specific identity that you want to let go of, I would start by listing the things that have changed or have happened during the past months that separate who you are now from who you were then.
I won’t go a head and tell you the level of importance that these changes need to be because who knows if for you changing your toothpaste brand had the biggest impact on you.
The things that you have been through and that you have experienced have impacted you and that is what matters right now, not if someone sees your life experiences as relevant or not.
Take these changes and events and make them into behaviors or aspects of you that are related to these things.
For example:
Event- I moved to a busier city
Past self- The version of me that was desperate to get a taste of the world and couldn’t wait to leave her current reality
Event- Ended a relationship
Past self- The part of me that allowed others to disrespect me
Take note that you might still see these parts of you pop back again in a future if you find yourself in a similar experience, that doesn’t mean that your past selves rose from the death but that within you that exists now there is also a part of you (the 2023 spring edition) that still struggles with these things.
Part of that identity remains within us, but it will show up in different ways when activated (which is not always the case if we have healed this).
In the descriptions of your past self be as specific as possible, talk about the event directly if it makes it clearer for you (i.e. the part of me that let my sister borrow my shirt and then blamed her for it making her feel bad and felt good about it).
Make yourself a little list (or huge if needed), hug this list, feel every version of you and the experiences that you have had that made you who you are now. These past versions of you have had an impact on who you are now. They are still part of you, but they are not necessarily you.
Embrace and integrate them as a way of tying the bow and letting them go within you to a place in which they serve a purpose of reminding you who you are now. Memories are everlasting lessons that we can access.
Welcoming the rebirth of spring
It is important to analyze how have these changes made you who you are now for the good and for the bad. What impact has the last year had in your life? What did winter make you explore that you are ready to open up to now?
To slowly come out of our cave and start exploring our world becomes part of the starter pack of spring.
How are you choosing to feel into the openness of it all?
Our attitude towards spring has a big impact on how we receive spring. Of course, it isn’t all rainbow and glitter all the time, but just looking at it as the wonder of nature that it is and integrate ourselves in that part of nature.
Become part of all the growth and movement that is happening around us and create spring within you as well.
An inner spring that would allow us to keep watering those sprouts and intentions that we planted during winter or that we are sowing now.
What flowers do we want to bloom in our lives? What colors do we want to see?
Lean into understanding what parts of you do you want to foster and take care of this year. There is this little bear inside of us that wants to come out as the sun reappears from behind the clouds.
What things do you want to learn about yourself and about this world now that the seasons are waking us up?
Create awareness with in you and awareness for what’s surrounds you and see the beauty of it all. Make sure to see also the slowness and remind yourself that there is no need to rush or run or hurry to do everything that you want to do before winter comes again.
You have time. Spring comes slowly, see the little specks of green appearing now and the flowers come. See this within you as well. See your changes, your willingness and especially your seeds of intention and water them.
Prompts
There have been questions spread throughout this whole blog post make sure to answer them as well as you go or even to just ponder on them.
In the spirit of spring here are more:
- What parts of yourself are you sowing intentions for this spring?
- What changes are you integrating into who you are now?
- What do you want to blossom into?
- How are you opening yourself to your desires?
- In the slowness and sprouting of spring, how are you merging with nature?
Take your spring as it comes, water it, water what is birthing from you and care for it. Grief what you need to, embrace what has passed and open up to what is growing within.
Make space for yourself within yourself.
