To understand when we should care about what people think and when we shouldn’t. We first need to understand why we care.
When thinking about ourselves we may be used to comparing ourselves to what we think is someone to look up to. This may be someone we see in social media and admire for their beauty or a successful entrepreneur that we look up to for their achievements.
What goes through many people’s minds when looking at their feed and the glamorous life they live is “I wish I had this”, “I wish I had something like that.”
We might even wish to be them, although most of the time we wish for the things that we see in them that we lack.
Let’s imagine that one day we are talking with our friends and these “successful” people pop up into the conversation and we begin talking about them and all of what we don’t have.
It might occur to us that everyone in the room sees them the way we do until someone mentions something they don’t like about them.
What they mention is the one thing that we wished to have from them. For example, their sense of style.
That is when we start questioning ourselves. My friend doesn’t like their sense of style, if dress like them would they like me? We start putting up excuses for why we find their sense of style awsome and our friend still finds it horrible.
We start thinking about the clothes we are wearing inspired in that person’s style and our mind goes through a loophole of trying to please our friend and their taste in fashion. Trying to convince yourself that you are right.
But wait a second, not everyone cares so much about what a friend thinks.
This might only go through your head once and instead of trying to please the friend you just simply mention what you like about their style and admit that you are wearing something similar.
You don’t care what your friend thinks.
That was just an example of what can go through the minds of different people in the same situation.
Not all of us grew up with the same sense of security in ourselves and that’s alright. Just that sometimes it is necessary to not lose our time on unnecessary thoughts like in the previous example.
Our confidence in our thoughts and our opinions is something that we build during our childhood.
This depends on whether our parents encouraged our opinion or if they let us express ourselves. It depends on whether they gave you the recognition for the things you accomplished and if they didn’t punish you in any way for expressing your sense of self.
Of course, now we cannot go back to our childhood and fix that. Now it is something that we have to fix ourselves.
Learning when to care is part of our journey to constantly learn.
So to summarize. We are interested in what people think about us because we either want to please them or we feel like we need their approval. Also, this can be caused by a lack of security or confidence in our decisions.
We don’t deem everyone’s opinion valuable to us.
Maybe you don’t care at all what your sibling thinks about your new wardrobe item. But you do care what your friend thinks. It is hard to know exactly how do we deem a person’s opinion valuable to us.
Probably if you were to pass next to a stranger and they said “Ew, those are some ugly shoes” you would either think to yourself for the rest of the day “What is wrong with my shoes?” or you go off telling the story of how a random person randomly called your shoes ugly in the street.
The value of others’ opinions depends on our mental state during the situation. In our sense of confidence in our decisions, and the security we have in ourselves.
It is entirely personal why we make someone’s opinion valuable.
You may consider it because of the history you have with the person. Or how have they reacted to your decisions before, or even because of how they carry themselves around.
Ask yourself what makes you care about a certain person’s opinion so much.
Analyze your relationship with them and how they respond to your opinions.
After knowing why do we care about a certain person’s opinion we need to know why do we keep it in our heads?
Why do we sometimes make a certain opinion rule our lives? Maybe it’s because we deem this person extremely important to us.
Another factor could be that the person that gave this opinion is directly related to the topic of the opinion they gave. For example, a teacher judging a project.
The most important reason why we get attached to opinions is because they can hurt us. When an opinion negatively touches our soul it tends to stick to us. Whenever we think about the matter this person gave their opinion on we tend to automatically remember what they said.
A harmful opinion can stay in a person’s mind for years, sometimes until they change it.
The last reason could be because their opinion strongly defers from ours. We can be extremely certain about our beliefs and what we think about a subject that we get so attached to an opinion because we can’t imagine how a person can think that way.
This is also a dangerous one. Your brain just keeps trying to find arguments to make the other person change their mind.
We have all met those people that really don’t care about what anyone says. They may be aware that the other person’s opinions are true and they think the same way but they truly don’t care.
Those kinds of people are really strong-minded and it is really hard to hurt them with your opinion because they know what it is. AN OPINION.
The thing is, what happens when you stop caring at all? You might miss some constructive criticism here and there but after that, do you live a life of bliss?
I personally can’t tell you what people that behave like this think when someone tells them a harmful opinion because I’m not one of them.
What I do know is that if we stop completely listening to people’s opinion we lose opportunities to grow and to know how other people feel about you.
You miss the chance to know how you make people feel with certain behaviors or actions as well as words. Sometimes it is important to care about how people react and the opinions they give you.
We always need to find a balance in ourselves.
Someone kindly asks to give you advice on a matter of your life that you consider important. Try to take it.
Take it lightly don’t take it that harsh. Know that they are trying to tell you something that is for your good.
A professional or someone you look up to gives you crucial information regarding an important project your doing. Take it.
They probably know what is best for you and since you trust them it is going to be easier to take their advice.
This is an obvious one but if you asked someone their thoughts on a subject, expect an answer. Don’t judge their opinion or take it to heart. You asked for it now analyze it and tell them what you think.
Imagine that you are discussing with your parents about what university you should go to.
Maybe they are paying for it, so you have to take into count what they think as well. Even if they are not paying for it try to pay attention to what they say. They most likely have already gone through this situation and know what is best for you because they know you.
When you are trying to make important decisions make them yourself but always ask people what do they think or what they would look for in this case when searching for a university.
This can help you decide what to take in count when choosing one.
We all dread the time when someone comments on the clothes you are wearing or worse the way you laugh or the shape of your nose.
Let’s be honest we all hate it, so why do we keep doing it? I don’t know, but what I know is that we should not take it to heart.
This does so much harm and it can change us entirely if we don’t know how to control our feelings towards the opinions of others.
These small preferences we shouldn’t even notice if someone insults the food we eat we need to know, IT IS JUST A PREFERENCE. They like something different than you, there is nothing you can do about it. Let it go
When you know where you are going and how you are getting there don’t listen to anyone. Why would you? you already have your path set, follow it, and don’t let anyone get on your way.
That is probably jealousy. Don’t even try reasoning with them. Just explain to them what that means for you and tell them that they are trying to crush your dreams. Then move on and follow your dreams.
Do the job that you wish to do. Dress the way you want to. Like the people you choose. Eat the food you want and don’t let anyone bring you down.
But remember hate is not an opinion so don’t put out there what you don’t want your way.
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