How to manage your anger and avoid a discussion?

How to properly discuss?

In people that are addicted to conflict fights can occur very often and for any reason. Sometimes fights start over repressed emotions. Fights can start with a trauma that was triggered and sometimes even insecurities. They may start being by a small detail and they turn into something really big including other arguments. Have you ever had that feeling after starting a fight that you should’ve just stayed quiet? Well, this feeling is perfectly normal. It often comes from the fact that we didn’t like how the other person reacted to what we said.

That is why it is important to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic. If we already know how the other person is going to react in a fight it can be good to adapt yourself to their language. This can make them understand better without them getting triggered and defensive or feeling attacked. It is important to keep your stand, get heard, and not get your feelings minimized. At the same time listen to the other person.

How to avoid a fight?

Sometimes when something happens in the heat of the moment it could be useful to remove yourself from the fight. You can spend a few minutes with yourself or even hours to reflect on your emotions. Allow them to calm down and really think about what you want to say. When coming back it should be a lot easier to discuss and hopefully, both people ask for forgiveness. This will make the discussion a lot easier and without avoiding the issue allow it to come to a conclusion.

What do you do if you choose to not engage in a discussion?

Letting your feelings out one way or another is the most important. Sometimes the moment might not have been good to express yourself, so you might want to keep the issue to yourself for a while. Meanwhile it is important to let those emotions out. Write a letter to the other person about how you feel, you can say whatever you want and be as aggressive as you like. Then you can reread it and really think about the parts of the letter that you were just saying out of anger. In the future this can help prevent more issues from coming out of one discussion.

Think about what you wrote as if someone were reading it to you, would you like to make the other person feel this way? Is what you’re saying really conveying your goal? How would you react to this letter? You can make changes to it throughout time until you finally feel you are ready to properly discuss your issue with the person. 

Remember that it is easy to manipulate and easy to get manipulated so it is important to inform ourselves about it and especially learn how to avoid it. Keep calm and get to the point, sometimes in some arguments, it is important to talk with logic rather than emotions. In others, you have to make sure the person feels you. Don’t engage in discussions that you know will harm your mental health.